If I Could Save Time In a Bottle

Monica will always be remembered as this beautiful young lady.


This photo was taken when we were little girls, l-r Penny, Monica, Leslie and Melanie


This is a special picture to me because it is the last photo I have with Monica and I in it, even a very young Mark was at this anniversary party for my grandparents taken in 1987, a year before she died.



Our Sweet Monica Jean



This is a picture of their car, it was a Trans Am, the photo shows the car flipped upside down.



This was the headline in our local paper.


Twenty years ago today our family lost one of our own way before her time. My cousin Monica had just turned 19 years old a week before she was killed in a horrible car accident that killed her and 3 of her friends. It was 1988, Monica and I were the same age, we were in the same grade and were both just starting our freshman year of college. We had both just graduated from high school and had the world at our feet. We did have a major difference, she was the life of the party girl and I was the homebody. Ironically the last time I saw Monica was exactly a week prior to her accident at her brothers wedding. We were not able to make the wedding but at the last minute my mom asked if we wanted to head way up north for the reception. So my mom, sister, Mark and I drove those curvy icy roads just in time to meet our family back at my aunt and uncle's house. Monica was full of energy and that evening had us cracking up, she kept asking Mark, Melanie and I if we wanted a beer, we laughed and said no thanks. What I remember most about that night was wathching her walk around the house in her blue taffeta bridesmaid dress, playing the record "Time in A Bottle" over and over and over again. My great grandpa was sitting in front of the record player and everytime the record would get to the end she would come running over to it and would start it all over again, Grandpa would roll his eyes and say "here she comes again" as it was blaring in his ear, boy did we laugh!
On October 29th around 8 am the phone in my bedroom rang and I was the first one in the house to answer it, it was my Grandma asking to speak to my mom. It was very unusual for her to call so early so I stayed on the line and heard her tell my mom that Monica had been killed in a car accident the night before, her and her boyfriend, her best friend and her best friends boyfriend. They had been drag racing another car, they were driving a Trans Am, they lost control and hit a tree, all of them were ejected from the car and were prounounced dead on the scene. It was undetermined if they were wearing seatbelts but alcohol was a factor in the accident. Four young promising lives were lost that night. I remember being at the funeral and seeing the devastation on the faces of our family, her friends and community members. Their small community had lowered all of the flags at half staff. I remember sitting in the church staring at her closed white casket and seeing the pain on the eyes of my family members, the people who I loved most and I vowed that day that I would never drink and drive. And I never have, I have hardly ever drank in my whole life. A few sips here and there, but honestly I don't even like the taste of alcohol. I swore I would never put my family through this kind of pain again. I know Monica would not have wanted everyone to hurt so badly.
Monica was loved by everyone, she was so funny, full of life, beautiful,popular and very outgoing. I remember one time she stopped by with her mom on the way back up north, she had been school shopping and she was showing me all of the cool clothes that she had bought, she smelled them and said " I just love the way new clothes smell". I still smell my new clothes just because of her.
The accident was in all of the state headlines, it even made our local newspaper. I have all of the articles saved in my scrapbook. I think of her often, I especially think of her during the milestones in my life, like my wedding and the birth/adoption of our children. I remember my Aunt Carol crying as I walked down the aisle, I have to believe I know what she was thinking. We were the same age and she probably would be experiencing alot of the same things I am if she were still alive today. My aunt and uncle don't talk about it much, but their lives have been deeply affected by the loss of Monica. Our family is very close and when one of us hurts, we all hurt. It was so sad, they had just celebrated their only son's marriage the week before and then the tragedy struck just a few days later.
I have had a few incidents in my life where I have lost people I care about in accidents involving alcohol. I am a strong advocate against drinking and driving. I understand that even though I might not drink,people do enjoy it, I do not criticize that, I do however criticize when that person gets behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. In Mark's line of work I have heard the worst stories, nothing good ever comes out of getting behind the wheel when you have been drinking. I always try to be the designated driver if I need to be. I have even driven my cousin and her husband to their honeymoon suite on their wedding night just to be safe. It is one cause of death that can be eliminated if people just stay put or call for a ride. I also do not believe in supplying underaged children with alcohol. So many deaths could be avoided by simply being the parent and not the best friend to your child. There is a time to be best friend, but it is most certainly not the time where alcohol is concerned. Trust me, if you need a wake up call, just ask me about how my aunt and uncle had to identify Monica and I know you would never supply a child with alcohol, ever! I am sorry to be on a soap box today, I am not usually a person who speaks out but this is one area where I have experienced first hand the tragic effects of drinking and driving and I pray I can stop just one person from getting behind the wheel or even riding in a car with someone who has been drinking. You need to have these discussions with your children, there is so much more pressure on kids to drink than even when I was in school, and at such a younger age.
I ask that today, 20 years to the day that our sweet Monica passed away, you talk to your child about the dangers of drinking and driving, the laws are so strict these days, even if your underage children are caught with alcohol their lives could be drastically changed. It is NOT worth it! And give them options in case they do find themselves in a situation that makes them uncomfortable. I grew up in a household where my parents were very open with us, they always said if there is something you want to try let us know and we will all try it at home where you are safe. Well, it must have been the right thing to say because I never felt the need to sneak around, and gosh, if they were willing to join me then what fun would that be, so I just stayed away from all of it. And guess what? I was the popular one in school, (not to brag), I was on Homecoming Court, Prom Queen, Student Coucil, voted most friendly, athletic, cheerleader, and I started dating one of the popular guys in school ( and eventually married him)! All without attending the parties on the weekends, without ever tasting alcohol, without needing to feel "cool" because I hung out at the pary spots. You can be cool without getting drunk. Trust me.
Thanks for listening to me ramble on, even though Monica is gone, she will never be forgotten.