The Past Week

I really don't know where to start. I am home now after being up north for a week. I am still in shock that all of this really happened. I knew it would happen and yet I still wasn't prepared. I don't think Dad knew it was going to happen so fast either, I really don't. It was so awful watching him suffer for 3 days. I prayed that God would take him so many times. And he did. And then we ran around like crazy for 4 days, planning, organizing, visiting and saying our goodbyes. It is like we were living in a bubble of grief. Somehow everything was accomplished and was perfect. We cannot thank the funeral home enough for all of the special touches that they did to make Dad's service what is was. They said it was one of the biggest that they had ever done. People from all walks of life were there, my dad knew everyone. So many people said such wonderful things about him. Mike Avery of Channel 5 News gave a wonderful speech, saying that my Dad was a forward thinker, he was talking and doing things 20 years ago that are now huge. Especially where bringing the out of doors to the disabled is concerned. It is true. My Dad also gave our family bible to a woman who needed Christ in her life desperately. She came to the house the night after Dad passed bawling, she said that we should have his bible. I told her if you give it to me I will just give it back. I was truly amazed at the people that Dad touched. So many Vietnam veterans came to pay their respects. Dad would have been so proud that he received full military honors, taps, 21 gun salute, 2 current serving soldiers folded and presented a flag to my mom, and an honor guard of veterans lined up to salute him before the service. One of the more touching moments for me was when one of my good friends came in and told me that the flags outside were "very impressive" , I wasn't sure what she was talking about. My dad had been a member of the Patriot Guard, veteran bikers who would ride their bikes for funerals and stand outside the building holding American flags. I went outside and took a few pictures for mom because I knew she didn't know that they were out there either. I thanked all of them with tears in my eyes. It was bitter cold out, I mean like 2 degrees and there they stood so proudly for my Dad, wrapped around the building. The funeral home made a gorgeous video that played during visitation on 3 large flat screen tvs. They created the most perfect programs for my dad, above and beyond anything that we had imagined, we had just picked out the little one with an eagle on it. They made a custom one with family pictures, poems, and used Dad's pictures on the cover. Pastor Ron gave a loving and very fitting tribute to my Dad, we laughed, cried, joked, and reflected. The songs we chose were carefully selected, we had played them for my Dad the night that he died, I have to believe he was listening. He asked that "Just as I am" be played, we also played a song that he grew up singing with his family, " I'm Bound For That City", my aunt and Grandpa lost it at this point in the program, they were surprised that I found that one, and at the end we played "Go Rest High On That Mountain". The final moments of the funeral we played a piece that my dad had recorded, it was hard to hear his voice again. We truly felt loved, everyone was so kind to us and we really felt we gave Dad the send off that he wanted, he didn't want us to cry for him, rather celebrate his life. My Dad's wishes were to be cremated so there was no graveside service. We all gathered at the little local restaurant/lounge in our small hometown afterwards and had the whole place to ourselves, we had a wonderful buffet dinner and enjoyed our family and friends. It was so good for us and our kids to laugh and visit with people that we never get to see anymore.

It was very hard to come back home, my heart is up north and I want to be there for my mom. We have suffered many losses in our lives, within a 2 year span we had at one time lost 23 friends, family, and co-workers. We lost Mark's dad almost 7 years ago as well. It surely doesn't get any easier that is for sure. And this one is hitting me differently. This was MY Dad. The person I called when I heard something tragic and needed him to help me through it. The person who took me to see Santa Claus and reminded me of how I yelled "shoot him Daddy, shoot him". The person who held me as I walked down the aisle on the best day of my life, laughing at how I was smiling and saying "hi" to everyone. The person who loved my children with all his heart, and who I could not wait to call when they did something funny or naughty, knowing how hard he would laugh and brighten his day.

I watched his body get weaker and weaker over the years but somehow I always thought he could overcome any obstacles and would bounce back up again. His mind was so sharp even if his body would fail. He was a man that people came to when they thought no one else would listen. He was a "Friend" (his last name) to everyone. His life took many turns, he learned so many lessons the hard way, but he laughed about those and carried on the way God had asked him to, never questioning why.

He could tell a story like no other. I wish he would have written a book. The Hospice nurses were going to have someone come out to the house to record some of his stories but he grew ill too soon. I will have to write the stories down that I remember. He was a character, especially in his younger years and even when I thought a story sounded too "good" to be true, it was. He made me laugh more than anyone, honestly. One of the cutest things he did recently I will share. He wore his Land's En*d slippers everywhere, he could not wear shoes because his feet were so bad. For Christmas my parents got my sister and I our very own slippers, just like Dad's. These slippers are tied with a piece of thin leather, dad being the "inventor" that he was told me to bring my new slippers to him, he was going to put superglue on the ties to keep them from coming undone. Ingenious. It worked. He told me how last time he got new slippers he decided to try using Gorilla gl*ue, he was laughing because he said he looked at his slippers after applying it liberally to the ties and the glue had puffed up leaving a gobbed up mess. We laughed so hard, that was just dad, always learning things the hard way.

I am missing him deeply. I have been going through some of my old letters and have found some special ones from him, he loved to write. What treasures they are to me now. With Dad you always knew how he felt about you, I know he loved me. I kissed his forehead on the night he passed away and told him that he will have a beautiful crown awaiting him in Heaven full of many jewels. I have no doubt that he is there, watching over me. My mom picked up his ashes today. When the weather gets nicer we will spread them at his favorite places per his request.

All we have are memories in the end, I pray that mine remain fresh for years. There will never be another man quite like Dad.